#10
HATE: The Ads
To be honest, it got better when it comes to ads. Remember the 2000s when all sites had those annoying pop ups everywhere? Well, at least the sites got rid of those. But one thing some sites keep having are ads with sound on. If that isn’t the most annoying thing when it comes to ads, I don’t know what is. And another thing. Do site owners think we are all so naïve? Who in the Hell believes all those ads on the side of the page that promise three more inches to your cock in less than a week? Or the ones that try to convince you some horny lady from your city wants to hook up? And then there’s the chat window that pops up with a cam girl who looks like she’s talking to you. All fake, just like the big tits of the girls you’re watching in the movies. The ads need to change in the porn world, and they are changing, but not in good. What I noticed lately are ads disguised as content when you browse movies. These new ads look just like one of the thumbnails of your search results, and you click on it thinking it’s a movie you found, just to be taken to some landing page that wants your credit card info. But the most annoying thing about advertisement in porn is the advertisement on premium sites. That’s why people pay memberships, not to be bombarded with ads. Having ads in the premium member area of a site is unethical and we shouldn’t even have to talk about such thing in 2019.
#9
HATE: The Background Music
Porn is a medium that’s transmitted through AV which stands for Audio Video. We have the eyes to see and the ears to listen. These are the only two senses through which we feel porn for the moment and that is why it’s a bad idea to put on music during the sex scene. It makes porn lose a lot of its realism. It’s like you would let the moaning and the natural sounds of sex, but you turn off the image of the people fucking. Since it’s not 1920s anymore, we would like to hear the action in the movies, not just see it. Especially since there are so many technologies now that can capture the sound in ways we wouldn’t hear it even if we were in the room with the performers doing it. There are places where music should be when it comes to porn, such as all those awesome porn compilation music videos where the sound and image go hand in hand. But if there’s a complete sex scene of people fucking, let us hear people fucking.
#8
HATE: Fake Content
Although it’s not a problem with the big sites and networks, it’s still a problem in the world of porn. And that problem is fake content ads. I know we talked about the ads before, but this is something different. Let’s say you are looking for your dream girl doing that kinkiest fantasy you have, and all of a sudden, when browsing porn, an ad comes on that low and behold, it features that very dream girl and that very kink. What are you going to do? Well, if you are thirsty enough you go on the site and get their membership to have that girl fulfill your fantasy, only to realize that you’ve been lied to, that the movie is not even from the site you joined and that they don’t even feature that girl in their model index. And this is especially true when it comes to cartoon porn and hentai sites. The ad promises you animated porn with your favorite lustful characters only to find out that the site has hentai from the 80s and that the ad they were running was just a 10 second clip they created just to lure you on the site. If there would be a porn religion, one of the ten commandments will sure be “Thou should not lie about their content”.
#7
HATE: Fake Cumshots & Creampies
I remember a short time in the 2000s when some sites thought it was a good idea to lie to us about cumshots. They started using fake cum to cover some girls faces and they thought we will love it. Those sites are not active anymore, because there’s nothing more of a turn off in porn than fake stuff. We can get over a fake female orgasm, but a fake male orgasm is unacceptable. And some sites are still trying to fool us with fake sperm in their fake creampies. We can understand that one guy maybe doesn’t have enough sperm in a cumshot to fill up an entire pussy and make it drip, but there are so many other solutions besides filling a girl with yogurt or whatever they use instead of jizz. There are so many willing sperm donors, and if that’s not a viable option, because of the health regulations of the industry, just ask the male performers to bring some extra cum with them in one of those small containers they give you at the sperm bank.
#6
HATE: Fake Amateur Sites
My smartphone can shoot 4K and I have it since two years ago. Everyone shoot a porno at home in their bedroom, so why do sites keep trying to lie to us about amateur content. I’ve seen some sites advertising their content as amateur, but they feature famous porn stars in their thumbnails and ads. For some sites, teen and college porn is the same with amateur porn. If someone wants amateur porn, they want that feeling you get watching real couples or real hookups shot in POV or from a fixed camera angle in a bedroom or hotel room after a party. Who does amateur porn with a camera operator and professional lighting? So, I don’t understand why sites keep lying to us when there are so many hot chicks willing to shoot porn at home. You can find them on sites where they sell their homemade sex tapes, or you can simply create a system of movie submission, and the production costs would be a quarter of what some sites are spending on amateur porn that’s clearly not amateur.
#5
HATE: Eyes Contact With The Camera
Ok, we don’t hate all eye contact. There are a couple of categories of porn where the eye contact is the essence of the action. That’s the more immersive porn, where the performer pretends to be fucking you. I am talking about categories like Jerk Off Instructions, POV and more recently about Virtual Reality porn. But when it comes to all the rest of porn, when it comes to the movies with plot, role play or even when it comes to some gonzo, the performers are braking one of the most important rules of cinematography: Don’t make eye contact with the camera. In a story, the camera is this magical eye who is there without the characters seeing it. That’s how you get to be in that story and that’s how you get to feel the action. Once an actor makes eye contact with the camera, all the magic is lost.
#4
HATE: Bad Dialogue
If you want to make a porn movie with a plot that turns on the viewer and puts him into the story, make sure to use some porn stars who can actually act. If fucking can be acted out by pretty much anyone who had sex before, dialogue is not that easy. Especially in front of the camera. We hate to watch porn and see some girls who are delivering their lines like they are reading lines from the phone book. If the girl can’t act, but she has sex skills, it’s ok for her to just fuck and not talk. And although it’s really cute to hear foreign porn stars talk broken English with an accent, that’s not helping the viewer immerse themselves into the action. We want porn stars who talk dirty like they mean it and when the dirty talk is recited instead of delivered with passion, the whole experience is ruined and we’ll watch another video.
#3
HATE: Seeing The Guy’s Face and Ass
I must admit that I’m a bit subjective when it comes to this topic. I know there are lots of ladies who are watching porn too, and maybe they like seeing a guy’s face when he has an orgasm, but no man is ever interested in watching another man’s face twisting and grinding as he tries to cum on a porn set with three camera operators filming him and a director giving instructions. It’s just unnatural. And don’t even get me started on those angles in which the camera looks straight into the guy’s ass. At least all the men in porn are smooth as a baby’s bottom.
#2
HATE: Age Lies
How many times have you entered a MILF porn site only to find lots of 30 years old in the movies? Or how many times did you want to watch some barely legal petite babes getting impaled on dick just to find movies with famous porn stars who you know they are 25? There goes a saying that in the world of porn you will find only two ages: teen and MILF. If you’re no longer a teen, you become straight a MILF. There are movies in which the girls try to play the innocent barely legal girl, but they have tattoos, they have stretch marks and they have fake boobs. It’s just not cool, and although I’ve seen some changes when it comes to the MILF category, in the teen porn, especially in the nubile glamour niche, you can still find babes in their late 20s portraited as teens.
#1
HATE: Exaggerated and Unreal Plots
Porn can really be art and cinematography if done right. But if done wrong, it can be tacky and even a turn off. When it comes to story, we have two main ways to go. Either you go with no story and you feature some raw gonzo porn that’s all about fucking, or you go with a nice story that puts the viewer in the action. There are plenty of sites with good stories, but there are also sites with plots so ridiculous it makes you laugh. You know that cliché of the pizza guy that comes to the door and just starts banging the horny housewife? That is still happening in the industry. It’s 2019 and such ridiculous things should go straight down the tubes. Porn will never be a respectable medium if directors are mocking the industry that way.